


Stay

by Irissswests



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 3x16, F/M, angst angst and some more angst, emotional hurt and some comfort, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-06 18:23:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10341609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irissswests/pseuds/Irissswests
Summary: "Before she can think it through she spins around. "Don't go," it's a plea, barely above a whisper. And he hears it; she sees the way his hand freezes on the doorknob and the way his entire body tenses. He doesn't say anything, just remains still. "Don't go," she says again, this time louder, the tremble evident in her voice."Iris tries to get Barry to stay.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I try to go to bed early before an 8 am final and end up writing angst at 1 in the morning because I can't sleep and this wouldn't leave me alone. So here you go, this is pretty angsty. 
> 
> Also, this is the first time in a long time I haven't used song lyrics for the title. 
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments they are much appreciated!
> 
> Enjoy!

She stands in the middle of the room as she listens to him gathering up his things. She can't believe this is happening. She feels so lost and broken and she doesn't know what to think or how to react. All she can do is stand there. Then she hears him begin his descent down the stairs and she freezes, she doesn't know if she can look at him right now. So when he pauses at the bottom of the stairs his gaze heavy on her she turns her back to him.

"I'm gonna go," his voice is resigned and sad like he doesn't want this either, but he's the one who made the choice.

She hears the click of him turning the doorknob and she knows he's about to walk out the door.

But she can't let him leave.

Before she can think it through she spins around. "Don't go," it's a plea, barely above a whisper. And he hears it; she sees the way his hand freezes on the doorknob and the way his entire body tenses. He doesn't say anything, just remains still. "Don't go," she says again, this time louder, the tremble evident in her voice.

Her feet carry her closer to him at the same he turns to face her. " _Iris_ ," it's almost as if saying her name pains him. His voice cracks and his eyes are boring into like he's begging her not do this, begging her not to make this any harder than it already is.

But she doesn't give a damn. She can't let him go. Instead she rushes toward him and he lets out a quiet "oomph" as her tiny body collides with his and she clutches at the front of his shirt, bunching the fabric in her hands. It takes a moment but his arms circle around her just as tight as he buries his face against the top of her head.

"Don't go," she pleads once again resting her forehead against his chest. "Don't leave me, don't - I can't - I need you okay? I'll - I'll wear the ring if that's what you want."

"Iris-"

"It's my fault, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took off it off, you haven't lost me I'm right here. I'll wear the ring; I don't care about that anymore. Just stay. _Please_ , don't leave." Her voice breaks on the word "please" and the tears she's been so desperately trying to hold in spill over and she's powerless to stop them. "Don't leave me."

He lets out a shaky breath ruffling her hair and he pulls away his hands finding her face and making her look at him. "I can't let you do that." She opens her mouth to protest but he just shakes his head as his thumb rubs back and forth along her cheek, catching her tears. "You were right. And it isn't fair to you, not when my intention for marrying you wasn't for the right reasons. Right now I - I can't focus on stopping Savitar and on you. All I'll be thinking about is saving you and I can't guarantee I won't make a decision out of fear. I know that's not what you want. I can't do both."

"I don't care," she tries to argue, but she knows it's pointless he's already made up his mind.

"But I do. I love you more than anything, Iris." His words only make it worse because she knows he's telling the truth, knows he believes he's making the right choice, that he's doing this to prevent hurting her in the future, only he doesn't see how much this is destroying her now. "This isn't for forever, okay? Just for a little while. I need to do this. I have to focus on Savitar so that I can defeat him and then I can focus on just you and nothing else."

She slumps forward into him in defeat. She can't change his mind. He's leaving her. He's leaving her alone in their home and she needs him. He just doesn't seem to get that. So she tries to focus on being in his arms, on savoring this moment as he runs his hand up and down her back in attempt to soothe her, even though it does nothing to ease the ache in her heart.

And then he presses a kiss to the crown of her head and she knows this is it. It's goodbye.

"I should go."

He disentangles himself from her and she doesn't fight it. She steps further back from him, wrapping her arms around herself, already shutting down. Everything is catching up to her and she's just so _tired._

He gives her one last look as if he's trying to convey that he's not trying to hurt her, but she drops her gaze to the floor.

The door clicks shut behind him and it's a like a gunshot to her ears, echoing loudly in the now silent loft. Suddenly, it seems _too_ big and she feels so small and it feels empty without him. She feels his loss immediately and it's too much. She snaps.

"I hate you," she screams at the closed door. "I hate you so much." Then she takes off one of her shoes and hurls it at the door. "Fuck you, Barry Allen!"

She dissolves into tears once again sinking to the floor. How the hell did she let this happen? She should have just left the ring on. She should have never complained. Then he wouldn't have felt like he lost her. Then he wouldn't be leaving her. Then it wouldn't feel like her entire world is crashing down around her. It's her fault. She did this. But there's a part of her, a logical part, that's telling her that she did the right thing. The engagement didn't feel right, it felt tainted and she didn't want that hanging over her head. But now that she's alone she doesn't care for the logical reasoning. She wants to hate him, hate him for making her need him so badly. For making her beg him to stay. Hate him for leaving, for thinking it's the only way.

But she loves him.

She loves him so much that it overwhelms her and yet she wouldn't want it any other way.

All cried out she pulls herself off the floor and locks up before trudging up the stairs to the bedroom. She stares at the bed for a couple of minutes, stares at the rumpled sheets and how big it looks. With a sigh she changes into one of his shirts and crawls under the covers. Laying her head on his pillow she inhales his scent that lingers there and she feels like she's drowning, the bed's too big, too lonely, too cold without him. Curling herself into a ball she wills herself to fall into a dreamless sleep.

But it doesn't come. Until now she never realized how much she relies on having him next to her to sleep. How she needs his body next to her whether it's falling asleep in his arms or just listening to him breathing. Now it's silent and her thoughts are too loud and she can't stand it.

She thinks about how she almost lost him to the speed force for the second time. She remembers how she struggled to say I love you when he left and the look he gave her when he asked if he lost her and how she couldn't say anything. She wishes she had. Because he almost didn't come home to her. And he would have "died" thinking that he lost her. The moment he came tumbling through the breach with Wally she had been so relieved and she knew that none of that mattered anymore, she loved him and she wanted to be with him regardless of his reasoning. But nothing compared to how she felt when she hugged him, he had been real and solid and safe. She just wanted to hold on to him forever.

_I'm right here._

But he's not here and that's what kills her. She had thought it meant that everything was okay, that they would make it work. But now he's gone. She's lost him anyway.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Iris gets Barry to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever for me to write. I had a couple of ideas, but couldn't get them to work the way I wanted them to. And then finally last night I wrote this and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. It starts off pretty much where 3x16 ends. 
> 
> I also wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter all of your reviews meant a lot to me! I know the last chapter was a rough one, but this one is a little more hopeful. So enjoy and please comment!

None of this makes sense. How the hell did they get here? Just a couple of days ago they were happy, they were engaged and things were finally looking up. And now here they are. Barry thinks they need space and she wants anything but.

She reaches the foot of the stairs and places her hand on the railing and hesitates. She looks over her shoulder at him and sees that he hasn't moved. He's hunched over holding his head in his hands. And she can tell he doesn't want this either. Something happened in the speedforce. Something that pushed him to make this decision. Something that messed with his head. She remembers what he told her about what it is like the last time he was there. How the speedforce took the form of his parents and Joe and even her. So she has to wonder whose form it took this time and what he saw there. She can see him folding in on himself, putting his walls up again. He's acting out of guilt and he feels like it's up to him to fix everything. That he has to take on Savitar alone.

It's been one thing after another and she's done just sitting there and doing nothing, she's ready to fight back. So in that second she comes to a conclusion she's not going to let this go. She's not going to let him decide that they need space and she's certainly not going to let him sleep on Cisco's couch. He needs her just as much as she needs him.

"Stay," she doesn't say it loudly, but it carries in the silence of the room and his head immediately lifts up. His eyes find hers questioning her.

She walks back over to him coming to stand in front of him and she lets her eyes look him over and she can see the weariness in his eyes. He looks like he's about to collapse from exhaustion and she's sure she's not much better. She knows this is hard on him too. That once again he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and he won't let anyone take some of the burden off. And all she wants to do is take his hand and lead him upstairs and go to sleep because they both need it, but she doesn't.

"Don't go to Cisco's. Stay here with me."

"Iris, I can't," his voice cracks on her name and he's barely holding it together.

"Why?" she asks quietly, desperately trying to understand his reasoning. She knows she could scream at him she could tell him how much he's hurting her right now she could blame him, but she doesn't have the energy for a fight. And she knows he's blaming himself enough for the both of them and she knows that he knows that he's hurting her. She just wants to know _why._

"Because I proposed to you out of fear! Because I'm trying to save your life and my decisions are going to be based on that. It's not fair to you and that's not what you want, you made that clear. I have to focus on saving you and I can't be what you need me to be."

She may not completely understand his choice, but she gets why he thinks he's making the right decision.

"I don't care about that anymore," she tells him firmly. "When Cisco said he lost you I thought I was never going to see you again and I realized that none of that mattered because I love you. And I know you love me and that's why you're doing everything you can to save me. And I know that if it were you I would be do everything I could to save you."

His eyes widen at her words looking at her in awe and she knows she's getting through to him. With a soft smile she sits herself in his lap legs on either side of him and as if on instinct his hands land on her hips, fingers digging into her as if he's holding on to her for dear life. She holds his face in her hands and makes sure he's looking at her.

"You can't do this alone. Maybe you need to be the one to stop Savitar, but you're going to need to help and support from everyone. And the thing is I don't want to be alone either. I don't want you to leave me. _If_ I die in a couple of months," she doesn't miss his sharp intake of breath and she strokes his cheek in reassurance before she continues. "I know you're doing everything you can and I believe you can save me, but if on the off chance I die, I want to spend every single minute I can with you. And I can't do that if you're staying on Cisco's couch. I want to be with _you,_ Barry. I love you."

"I'm sorry," it comes out as a broken whisper and then his arms are slipping around her waist pulling her into him and he's burying his face in her neck. Her arms wrap around him as she sinks into him finally getting the contact she's been craving the last couple of days. She feels his tears wet her skin and she holds him tighter.

"I'm sorry too," she whispers because she knows that by taking the ring off she made him think he lost her and she contributed to him thinking that space would be a good idea. But she also knows that taking the ring off had been the right choice at the time, but now it doesn't matter not in light of everything.

"You did nothing wrong," he tells her, lips moving against her neck.

"Neither did you."

And then her tears escape and they cry together clinging to each other letting out everything they've kept in the past couple of days. It feels so damn good to be in his arms like this to be close to him. The distance between them became unbearable and now it's like it was never there.

She doesn't move not when her tears stop and not when his stop. She doesn't move not until he raises his head and then she does the same. His eyes are red and his face streaked with tears and she lifts her hand and wipes them away with care not missing the way he leans into her touch. When she finishes he returns the favor his fingers tenderly wiping away her tears. His forehead drops against hers and he lets out a breath.

"I love you, Iris. I need you to know that. I don't want you to ever doubt how much I love you."

"Shh," she soothes. "I know. I've never doubted it." And she sees a trace of a smile on his lips. "I don't want you to ever doubt how much I love _you."_

"Never," he says, almost breathlessly.

"Good."

And then with some caution she leans and waits for him to nod his permission before she presses her mouth to his in a gentle, loving kiss.

He draws back first and then his eyes lock on hers.

"Ask me again."

"Stay."

And she holds her breath as she waits for his answer and thankfully she doesn't have to wait long.

"Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking about writing a second chapter in which Barry does stay. But for now I will mark this as complete.


End file.
